remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
