can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
