is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
