I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
