Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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