Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In America we eat man semen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
