My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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