My sheets look like a crime scene.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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