Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
50% drunk capacity currently
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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