This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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