He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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