erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
