Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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