my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
