he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize