By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The feeling are messing with the penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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