It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
