so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
