All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
