2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
kristin has been a bad kristin
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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