I hope mine doesn't look like that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
