Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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