I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
