just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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