I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
