yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i came on her dog
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
