How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
