I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
