it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
