It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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