why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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