I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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