Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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