If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
