my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
