I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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