I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
