anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
