Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He shit in the fireplace
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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