mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
