I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My penis needs a shock collar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
