this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
