I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
