The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
