im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
