Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
