wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
