This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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