According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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