apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
