im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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