My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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