i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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