It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
