I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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