I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
