I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize