Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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