seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
