I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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