I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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