can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
