The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
