i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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