how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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