She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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