R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
