somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
