I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
