i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
