you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
