Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
