glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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