Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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