things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
